Trump to Credit for “White Christmas”

With the holidays upon us, it seems like the “White Christmas” of Irving Berlin’s treasured melody is finally here. And yes, I mean Christmas and Christmas alone; forget Hanukah and all that other crap. This year, just as Donald Trump promised time and time again on the campaign trail, Americans will be saying “Merry Christmas” … Read more

Darth Bannon: An Analysis

  Few villains command the same respect as Darth Vader, one of the most powerful Sith lords to have ever lived. Vader’s black mask, mechanical breathing, and red lightsaber are international symbols of villainy and power. So in September, when Sen. Lindsey Graham (R- S.C.) directly referred to Steve Bannon as the dark lord, calling … Read more

A Step Forward for Harambe

Everyone remembers exactly where they were when they heard the news. For me, it was Derby City Field, Louisville, Kentucky, 4 p.m. I was on crutches, watching my friends get ready for baseball practice the week of the regional championship. May 28, 2016, is a day that will forever live in infamy. On that fateful … Read more

President Trump’s First Speech to Congress

White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer announced earlier this week that President Donald Trump is scheduled to address a joint session of Congress next Wednesday. The HPR has acquired an advanced copy of his speech. Mr. Speaker, Vice President Pence, and Members of Congress: I am here tonight to report that the state of the … Read more

As Bad as it Looks: Bannon’s Selection and White Nationalism in the White House

It was no coincidence President-Elect Donald Trump announced the appointment of Steve Bannon and Ryan Priebus as top advisers in the same press release. The selection of Priebus, unquestionably establishment, tempered the much more controversial appointment of Bannon, executive chairman of Breitbart News, the self-declared “platform for the alt-right.” Most of mainstream media was outraged. … Read more

Drew Faust Announces New Cuts

Speaking from the candle-lit steps of Massachusetts Hall at 11:40 last night, Harvard University President Drew Giplin Faust announced a radical new plan to salvage the $2bn loss in the university’s endowment. “We are going to implement regular campus-wide power cuts until the economic outlook improves” Faust said. “There have been some complaints from students in … Read more