What began as simple data collection from various gaming communities turned into a competitive passion for NSA Agent Nelson Johnson, whose sudden rise in the world of professional gaming has stunned and inspired fans and fellow competitors alike. Armed with nothing but his laptop, a nice mouse, and the full, unchecked power of government surveillance, … Read more
After watching his first episode of Breaking Bad, Texas Senator Ted Cruz held a press conference to announce his commitment to ending inequality in the meth industry. “It wasn’t until I saw the story of Heisenberg that I realized it isn’t right for one percent of the people to have 99 percent of all wealth. … Read more
An immense amount of ink has already been spilled about the state of the 2016 presidential race. However, not much journalistic effort of late has been focused on the much more interesting presidential field which is unfolding for the 2024 horse race. For likely the first time in eight years, no incumbent will be running. … Read more
DEAR ABBY: I worked really hard on my Conservative Victory Project, but the Tea Partiers accused me of attacking my own party. All I want is a future with more Republicans in office. What should I do? CONFUSED KARL DEAR CONFUSED: Don’t give up now! Financing electable Republicans is a great first step, but even … Read more
During a call with top campaign donors last Wednesday, Almost-President Mitt Romney accused Actual-President Barack Obama of bribing key voter groups with “extraordinary financial gifts from the government” to win their votes. Mitt said that Obama’s promise to forgive college loans was a “big gift” to young people and that “free contraceptives were very big … Read more
We’ve reached the end of a long, ugly campaign. When the networks project a winner (hopefully) tomorrow night, no doubt one ticket and a little less than half the electorate will be disappointed, but I don’t think anyone will be sorry to see this election season go. This young girl certainly won’t be. Mark Leibovich, … Read more
Big news out of Chicago today, and, no, I’m not talking about Obama For America Headquarters. I’m talking about Hallas Hall. The Chicago Tribune reports that Jay Cutler is voting for the only politician that measures up to his considerable standards of social aptitude: Mitt Romney. It is unclear if the notoriously likable Cutler’s endorsement will be able … Read more
When I was in the sixth grade, my social studies teacher organized an election-themed play to be performed before the entire elementary school and a smattering of overeager parents. As the odds would have it, I portrayed President Bush, and my closest friend was cast as Senator Kerry. I remember spending days practicing my now-forgotten … Read more
I’d like to draw your attention to a subset of voters whose influence on political figures is too often overlooked. This subset, of course, is famous rappers. I would like to present an argument that most[1. Probably not most. Maybe one.] of the actions of politicians are inspired, if not directly caused by, the lyrics … Read more