Big news out of Chicago today, and, no, I’m not talking about Obama For America Headquarters. I’m talking about Hallas Hall.
The Chicago Tribune reports that Jay Cutler is voting for the only politician that measures up to his considerable standards of social aptitude: Mitt Romney. It is unclear if the notoriously likable Cutler’s endorsement will be able to shift historically blue Illinois into the Romney camp. If it does, Jay will have a shocking electoral success to go along with his multi-touchdown game against the Tennessee Titans yesterday.
This news could end up having unforeseen negative effects on the Romney/Ryan ticket, however, as Wisconsin is considered more in play than Illinois, and recent polls show that fans of the Bears’ rival Green Bay Packers are shifting momentum to the Obama/Biden team. Romney made an emergency trip to Wisconsin today in attempts to assure Wisconsin voters that their players are “just the right height,” and that he expects to see some change in the NFC North division after election day.
“If there’s one thing my career in the private sector has taught me, it’s how to spot a comeback” said Romney, flanked by his son Tagg and wearing a hat made of Gouda cheese. “And I expect the Meat-Packers to come roaring back to win the division.”
The President could not be reached for comment on the breaking development, but David Axelrod expressed regret at losing the support of the player he says he most looks up to in appearing annoyed and apathetic.
Vice President Joe Biden congratulated Cutler on his taste in women and told him that the criticism Cutler has endured in the past over his toughness is a “bunch of stuff.”
